Inconsistencies

 

Neglected-house

Life is full of them. We are sometimes our greatest obstacles to accomplishing anything. Looking back it is easy to see the pattern of neglect. I neglected myself, in so many ways, with my writing especially. What had once been a haven and solace, became a dreaded chore, pulling words out of thin air violently.

So I promise, to be better to myself, my art, my therapy if you will, and better to the readers that follow along.

 

Mrs 305

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Cornstalks, Humming birds, and Sunrises

It is 6 am again. Up before the alarm. Tossed and turned all night so no chance for dreams or much sleeping. Usually this makes me a very cranky person, especially considering that I have another interview today for a retail position. There wasn’t much chance to be cranky. The sunrise was a vibrant orange, pinkish color, dying the clouds over the corn fields in the back of my house. It is one of those moments that I kick myself in the arse for not having a niffty camera (mine really sucks) to get a picture of the view.

It is beautiful, the tips of the cornstalks tinged a golden color that gets brighter each time you look. Not only that, but there are these tiny, fast hummingbirds that poke out of the field and dart near the feeder. Swirling around they finally sit on the ledge and eat the food. My favorite Golden Finches are sitting at the bird bath, chirping away. Who could be cranky? Especially when you have a pot of coffee brewing? With the smell of coffee, the slight chill sneaking in through the windows, and the crickets and birds signing, I think I have a new favorite time of day. Everything smells so crisp, clean, new. As though night comes and takes away all that is used up from the day before, and gives you brand new blades of grass, kisses the flowers and herbs with dew, and encourages the birds to be just a tad more active each morning. Early bird, worm, and all that.

Everything is still quiet, without much noise being made by the neighbors. I used to hate being awake in the mornings, but now I think it is one of my favorite times of day. It is almost as though the powers that be in the Universe gift you for being awake so damned early, and they make it more beautiful. Just like sunsets, they gift you for slowing down enough to look and go “WOW”. I don’t have any photos that captured this moment for you, or any of the birds in the morning, so I do apologize for that. One day, when I get that $600 camera, I will be able to catch the moment and post it for you. For now, however, you are stuck with my lacking description.

Ok, found a picture online just for hecks and giggles. Yea the post is short, but you know I will more than likely write another one today when it is so short. Besides, my coffee mug is waiting to be filled up with morning goodness, the first cup of the day. You get that right?!

Just not harvested, still green and full. The color is right though!

xo

Mrs 305

Builders of Men

Everyone should read this! The Dalai Lama quote grabs your attention right away. I know that I want to live a life that I actually lived, instead of chasing the same piece of money day in and day out to no end. Great job KnowtheSphere! 😀

HeartSphere

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered:

“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

The human is a complex organism. Within the sphere of humanity we find the extremes, the hyperextreme and the simple. In a bombardment of culture, information, mental delusion and idealism, we tend to lose the very quality that makes us so special. We render the spirit mute in all of our frivolous pursuits of desire, resulting in a despondence that we continually deny.

The Dalai Lama is very accurate in his statement…

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In Love with Rilke

You ever have a poem that you read that you fall in love with? I finally tracked down the title of the poem from a book I had read a while back. It was a characters favorite poem, and only listed excerpts throughout the book. I do like Rilke, and have fun translating the German to English and back again. It was his poem that was in the book.
I have included it below for you in English, and hope that you enjoy it as much as I do! 😀

I Am Too Alone in This World- The Book of Hours

I am too alone in the world, and yet not alone enough
to make every hour holy.
I am too small in the world, and yet not tiny enough
just to stand before you like a thing,
dark and shrewd.
I want my will, and I want to be with my will
as it moves towards deed;
and in those quiet, somehow hesitating times,
when something is approaching,
I want to be with those who are wise
or else alone.
I want always to be a mirror that reflects your whole being,
and never to be too blind or too old
to hold your heavy, swaying image.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere do I want to remain folded,
because where I am bent and folded, there I am lie.
And I want my meaning
true for you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I studied
closely for a long, long time,
like a word I finally understood,
like the pitcher of water I use every day ,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that carried me
through the deadliest storm of all.

Ap-uh-tuh-PEY-ik

Another fun little word, apotropaic. It is pronounced \ap-uh-truh-PEY-ik\. I always have fun figuring out the pronunciation of new words, especially if it is totally foreign to my vocabulary. Such as apotropaic. It means “intending to ward off evil” (Websters Dictonary.com). Apotropaic came into common usage in the 1880s. It comes from the Greek word apotrópai meaning “averting evil.”

Now I think this little adjective can be used in a variety of ways. Such as “I used the garlic apotropaically against that nasty bloodsucker.” Yes, silly vampires, you will be warded off!!

Eh, just a fun short post, have fun with your word of the day! 😀

 

In an older kind of fairy story, the magic of the flowers would be potent but unspecified, vaguely apotropaic.

— Anthony Burgess, J.G. Ballard, “Introduction,” The Best Short Stories of J.G. Ballard

A Daddy’s Girl

 

Daddy

It goes without saying,

no words needed.

This bond cannot be broken,

our walls cannot be taken.

Father and daughter, this unbreakable bond

Ups, downs, sideways, anyway around.

My fighter, my model, that guiding light.

The strength at my back when the wind gets forceful,

the unbendable will when my knees get weak.

A safe harbor, a place to call home,

the one who understands this wanderer soul.

Complete understanding,

utter bafflement.

Together, forever

Father and Daughter.

Complexities of Words

As if you were a tiny delicate flower I nurture you. Filling you up with love, compassion, some patience too. Waiting, watching for you to bloom into a beautiful thing that you are. Oh what a joy you are to me, each syllable, vowel a doorway to a new world. Taking me far away into such diverse realms that take you to exotic, dangerous, beautiful, crazy, creepy places. Such simple, almost insignificant things words, that the tiniest tweak can completely change the meaning from one to the other.

Words. They create worlds, religions, species, planets, galaxies. The infinite combination of words can create such beauty, and such hate. A word for every aim, a phrase for each sensation. They may be difficult to cultivate in just the right way, like a stubborn orchid that refuses to bend to your will. Yet with a bit of coaxing, a stroke of the pen, a click of the keys, and they can bloom under your careful hands.

Such beauty, such love, caressing through your lips the way lovers embrace one another. Yet turning dark, black, cruel. Lashing out with such broiling rage until drawing blood from the most gentle of creatures. Careening and clashing one over the other, until all that is left is the destruction caused by a simple adjective. Creating conflict and disorder, igniting a fire in the passionate hearts of those who disagree, encouraging stubbornness and pride.

I find it humorous that words are thrown about so willy nilly without a care in the world. I know that I have even been a villain in this sense and thrown jumbled thoughts into the world without enabling that careful filter between brain and mouth (or writing utensil). I believe that I am improving, becoming more conscious of the words that I choose. I try to stop and think before I write or speak, checking the tone, the wording, making sure that I reach the intended phrase for the intended audience. I love words, and the complexities of putting together the perfect turn of phrase.

What are your favorite words? Phrases? There is beauty even in the darkest of phrases, a simplicity in the complex paragraphs. A game is found in searching for words, an intellectual race in finding the most absurd, the funniest, the down right naughtiest words of all!

The Art of Positive Thinking

Lately I have followed this blog by Sweet Mother, if you havent read it, go read it! It is a hilarious blog that actually makes you think about your own situations at times. It’s akin to a life lesson laced with humor crack. Yes I like using the phrase “humor crack”, I am hoping that it will catch on, or to use it as a title to a book, though my humor is usually off kilter and very random.

The art of thought

Anyways, I was reading the post about shrimp, nasty things I now realize, and Sweet Mother struck a chord with me today. SM said that becoming a successful writer is a very hard process, that it mostly has to do with luck, and only 1 part hard work. Which is true. I have written for over 10 years and feel like it is not good enough to share, let alone make any sort of living off of it! But it struck me because I have played with the idea of freelance writing. Over the last two years I have been really fine tuning my work, and I know that when I actually have a solid hour for nothing but writing I can do frehkin good, so why not try to make a living out of it? If only I were born about 30 some years ago this would probably be a bit easier. Oh well.
Now yes I know that the market is flooded with writers and the artsy type, and yes I know that it may be more hard work than it is actually worth, but just think about it. Writing for a living. Taking the brick that is my laptop (Thank you ASUS) to where ever the mood strikes me, writing and perfecting a piece until it shines like the Golden Egg from a goose. This would be actually meaningful work instead of the dead end call center and customer service jobs that I recently have had to work.
Now I am still going to be a trooper and put out my resume and dangle myself over the word wide web like a juicy little fish hoping someone is willing to give a girl a break, but my optimism is not that high. I mean, I know that I am really good at writing, especially when I put in the effort for it, but soemtimes the hope gets sucked out of me until I am as dry as dried fruit.
I find that I am more positive on the weekends, mostly because I am not forced to go back to my job on Saturday so it lets the light in. Some of these people are so good at forcing you to realize you are meant for a low of the low job that it makes you almost give in. But then I look at certain people and think to myself “No, no your not going to beat me no matter how hard you try”. In the meantime I will also work on the theory that positive thinking works and think everyday that I WILL GET THAT JOB and hope it comes true with a little harder blogging and writing. 😀
So what do you think all? Some feedback on the freelance life would be interesting and much appreciated!!

C is for Control

Crtl+Alt+Delete so that you can take Ctrl

Control? Why control? Many people associate the word control with negative things, such as a control freak, or someone who is uptight, a perfectionist. Yet control is not always a negative word. In fact, taking control of certain things can be a positive change when done correctly.

When life changes around you, you cannot control it. You can only control how you react to it. Now this is something that I have to remind myself of every single day, because sometimes it is difficult not to take the reins on everything. You need to be able to adjust, to flow, and relax when things change. You do this by controlling how you react. Instead of panicking and having an anxiety attack, take a deep breath and remind yourself that it will be ok.

Taking control over your feelings is another way that taking control can be positive. It will leave you feeling a sense of relief, a sense of peace and tranquility. Anger is the best example. Instead of letting yourself get angry over every tiny single thing, try to take control of that anger. Grab anger by its imaginary hair and beat it into submission until you have it under control. When you let it get to you, you actually lose control over yourself, which can lead to an even worse situation than you were originally in.

One more way in taking control is over your body, your self-image. Many people, myself included, become to hate their bodies because of the image that is projected on us by the media and Hollywood. I know that I must force myself sometimes to take a hard look at myself physically, and teach myself to appreciate the strength and beauty that is my body, instead of hating it and focusing on the things I don’t like. Slow down and take a little more control over your body and how you treat it. Take more care of it and give yourself some well deserved self-love! Obviously I still run and lift, and always watch what I eat (aside from a cookie or two), but I am also learning to take more control over the way I view myself and my body, instead of letting others control that for me.

It is not always easy, and sometimes you might cry trying to gain control back over these things, but it is worth it.

 

P.S. I was originally going to use confidence for C, however control is what came out, so I went with it! 😀